I'm Afraid to Start the Divorce Process with My Abusive Spouse

 Posted on January 30, 2026 in Alimony

If you are in an abusive marriage, the thought of filing for divorce can feel terrifying. You might worry about how your spouse will react, whether you will be safe, or if you can afford to leave.

You are not alone. According to research published by Operation Safe Escape, approximately one in four divorces cite abuse as a significant reason for ending the marriage. Many people face the same fear and uncertainty you are experiencing right now. If you are considering divorce in 2026, but fear your spouse's reaction, a Rolling Meadows, IL divorce attorney can help you create a safe plan and protect your rights.

What Are the First Steps If I Want to Leave an Abusive Marriage?

Your safety comes first. Before you do anything else, make sure you and your children are safe. This may mean staying in the marriage while you prepare. It may also mean leaving immediately if you are in danger.

If you are in immediate danger, call 911. You can also call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233 or the Illinois Domestic Violence Hotline at 877-863-6338. These hotlines are available anytime and can connect you with local resources.

Once you are safe, meet with a divorce lawyer who has experience with domestic violence cases. An attorney can help you understand the divorce process and figure out a safety plan before you file. This is important because filing for divorce can sometimes escalate the violence.

A lawyer can also help you gather important documents before you leave, including financial records, identification documents, and evidence of abuse. Keep copies somewhere safe outside your home.

Can I Get a Protective Order Before Filing for Divorce?

An Order of Protection (sometimes called a restraining order) is a court order that can keep your abuser from contacting you, coming near you, or entering your home. Under the Illinois Domestic Violence Act, you can get an Order of Protection if your spouse has physically hurt you, threatened you, harassed you, or restricted your personal freedom.

In emergencies, you can get an Emergency Order of Protection the same day. This emergency order lasts up to 14 to 21 days until a full hearing can happen.

Will Abuse Affect My Illinois Divorce Case?

The court must consider the best interests of your children for child custody and parenting time. A history of domestic violence strongly suggests that the abusive parent should have limited or supervised contact. In some cases, the abusive parent may be denied parenting time entirely.

Domestic violence can also affect property division. The judge will often take into account if one spouse has been abusive to the other when deciding who gets what assets.

What If My Spouse Threatens Me When I Try to Divorce Them?

If your spouse threatens you, take these steps:

• Document everything. This includes text messages, emails, and voicemails. Write down what was said, when, and if anyone else heard it.

• Report threats to the police immediately. A police report creates an official record.

• Tell your lawyer about threats immediately so you can adjust your safety plan if needed.

Do not let threats stop you from seeking safety or getting a divorce.

Will I Be Able to Afford a Divorce?

Many abuse victims worry they cannot afford to leave. In these cases, you can ask the court to order your spouse to pay your attorney fees. If the court does, your spouse must pay. It does not matter if they are angry about it.

The court can also order temporary spousal maintenance and child support from your spouse to help you pay bills while the divorce is pending. Between court orders of protection and orders to pay support, you can get financial help from your spouse without being afraid that they will punish you for it.

Some domestic violence organizations and legal aid groups offer free or low-cost legal help. Your local domestic violence shelter can connect you with these resources.

Call an Arlington Heights Divorce Attorney Today

Leaving an abusive marriage could be one of the hardest decisions you will ever make. You deserve support and legal guidance from someone who understands what you are going through.

At the Law Offices of Donald J. Cosley, Attorney Cosley personally handles all aspects of his cases. When you call him with questions, you will speak with him directly and will not be passed off to a paralegal or subordinate. He offers free consultations to help you understand your options and create a safe plan forward. Call a Rolling Meadows domestic violence lawyer at 847-253-3100 today to schedule your free consultation.